Mega Zombie Heavy Industrie

I want. No I DEMAND my hour back. I had to drink my beers twice as fast to get drunk before noon today.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

Trying to LOADHIGH my ANSI.SYS.

Here’s a fun way to get your credit card flagged for fraud…. Buy something from Skype.

I’m totally getting psyched up for the Puppy Bowl. The spaniels are going to murder the labs this year.

Football is dumb

This is my favorite day of the year. Why? It’s not because the “big game” is on. It’s because most of you will be glued to the tv watching it.
 
It’s almost like natural selection has taken away the 75 percent of Americans who give a shit about things like in zones and penalties and left the world to those that don’t.
 
I used to Tivo the game so I could fast forward through the bullshit and just watch the commercials. Now I don’t even do that. The commercials are just as bad as the game.
 
So I’m going to Ikea. I will delight in the misery of the employees that were either desperate enough for cash, or low enough on the totem pole to have to work on this most unholy of days. I will enjoy a mostly empty store. I will eat sweediah meatballs devoid of screaming children in strollers. And after I’ve enjoyed a speedy checkout, I will drive home on empty freeways and watch a movie on blu-ray as I assemble my “Plorg” or “Sven.”
 
Oh and don’t go on about puppy bowl either. That was counter culture the first year. Now it’s just as over produced as the actual “big game”.

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Cue dramatic music bed. Cut to stock footage and fade to commercial.

I don’t think drinking this third Listerine & vodka was a good idea.

Well. It’s 12:00am Pacific. Time to reboot the Internet. This will only take a second folks.

Actually I prefer to be awoken at 6:45 am on a Saturday via car alarm. It fills my heart with peace, happiness and love for my fellow man.